You Can Run
by Rhonwen
Summary: An event during season 6 causes Booth to go through PTSD. AS he goes through the trauma he and Brennan find the bonds they hold are really the strongest. Reviews are welcome.. thanks to Brainysmrfs for the help
1. Chapter 1

**You Can Run…**

**Chapter 1 **

He saw the body laying there, the blood was everywhere, especially on his hands. He knew no matter how much he tried to cover the evidence it would never go away. It would consume him the rest of his days until it eventually devoured all of him, killing him.

He slid down the wall not caring that this action caused the broken glass to cut deeper wounds into his feet. He looked around the room, not recognizing the place.

With a small whimper, Seeley Booth realized his life was trashed, and completely empty. There was no place for him to go anymore, no one he could see. Booth was alone. And the worst part was, he didn't know how he even got here.

Booth let out a loud agonizing wail as that face flashed before him. Screwing his eyes shut, He screamed and sobbed. "Parker!" Booth cried out, his voice barely recognizable. "It's not you, please not you." His stomach clenched again, and he let himself vomit. Hoping this time he could rid the parasite gnawing at him.

Trying to regain control even for a moment, Booth crawled on the floor looking for a phone. Not caring or even really noticing the glass ripping his skin further. The fiery agony was already filling his mind, the scent of dust, heat and desert clouded him.

Panic rising, his breathing shortened, Booth knew he wasn't going to make it; he felt the darkness and was fading fast. Grasping the small object in his hands, Booth only uttered her name. _"Bones….Help…" he thought. "Bones, come to me, I need you."_ With that Booth blacked out.

.

"Booth, Booth I'm here... please come back. You have me. Tell me where you are!" Brennan clutched her phone and was pacing frantically through her apartment.

She had been there, on the phone with him, from the start. She heard the commotion but couldn't make out what exactly was going on

The shouting, the anger, the sound of glass shattering and probably what was furniture being tossed. She couldn't make out what Booth was saying. All she knew was that she had to find him; she had to get to him.

Brennan grabbed her coat, and keys only pausing when she heard soft sobs on the other line. Pools of tears welled in her eyes; she understood the pain he was in. But more than understanding, she felt it too.

"Booth, I'm here, tell me where you are. I can get to you, help you." Brennan tried desperately to keep her voice soothing, comforting, maybe he would hear her.

Then finally she heard him.

"Bones…Bones…Bones…" His voice was soft, raspy from tears, "I can't do this, why couldn't I save him?"

"You're a good man Booth! You did your best. Please Booth let me help you!" There was desperation in her voice now.

"I couldn't save him. I should have been there sooner. It's my fault this happened. I chose wrong and he died for it."

"No! Booth, it's not your fault. Never your fault, you did what needed to be done. Tell me where you are! Please! Booth, listen to me, I'm here! I've been here the whole time. As you said, I'm the only one!" Brennan was pacing again, frantic, needing to find him before it was too late. If it wasn't already too late she thought.

"Booth listen, just tell me where you are." She couldn't tell if he even knew she was on the line. She heard him mumbling again. "BOOTH!" She screamed as loudly, "Tell me where you are!"

Booth had been rambling, holding on tightly, afraid to let go. "His body is here, I can't get rid of the blood. It's just too much. He was so little…. So much blood from someone so small… He should still be alive, I couldn't save him. Why would God do this? Why would he take someone so young? Why not me, why not me…why not…?"

Brennan realized where he was and that he hadn't heard her at all. He was lost in all those events. Wiping her tears away, she raced out the door and towards the elevator. Determined to get to Booth and help him somehow. Then she heard him again, the panic and desperation in his muffled and strained voice. She couldn't make out what he was saying, but she could tell by his voice that he was hanging loosely by a thread.

The sound of the gunshot rang loudly through the phone. Brennan paused, confused and shocked momentarily, until she realized what happened.

"Booth?" silence met her "Booth?" a little louder, but still met with silence.

"BOOTH!" she yelled falling to her knees.

_No no no no_... She thought, _now_ _it was too late. This is how it ends._


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

_18 weeks earlier_

"Hey, watch we're you're going!"

"Oh, uh… I'm sorry Agent Samuels."

The exchange snapped Booth out of his reverie. Looking up from the weights, he couldn't help but chuckle at the sight of this young nervous kid wiping his spilt Gatorade off his chest, trying to make it appear that he wasn't annoyed with the older, slightly tougher agent.

Booth forced his eyes away and wiping the beads of sweat from his brow decided it was time to hit the showers and start his day.

Before he went to his office he felt he needed to check on Brennan. Ever since her admittance about her regrets, things between them had been strained, at least for him. He could see her walls building back up and he didn't want that to happen. He needed to talk to her, show her that they were still friends even if they could be nothing more than that.

Brennan had been on his mind so much since that night. Hannah knew something was bothering him, but didn't pressure him. And he was so very grateful for that. Hannah saw Brennan's outburst in his office, she knew that the case had gotten to the doctor. She also knew that Brennan and he were partners, partners that shared a bond. A bond that Hannah never questioned because she trusted Booth and because she understood that some things would always just stay between the partners.

Staring at his phone, Booth fought the urge to just show up and ambush her. He knew that he had to tread carefully to get Brennan to open and talk with him. He rubbed his face, shook off his own concerns as he dialed her number.

"Brennan" She answered distractedly. He could see her, reading over something, barely paying attention to the phone call and that image made him smile for a reason he couldn't name.

"Hey, Bones…" Booth started heading towards the parking garage.

"Hello Booth, why the early call? Do we have a case?" Brennan closed her laptop, and walked toward her kitchen.

"No Bones, nothing like that. Listen, I am going to stop by and drive you to work. I'll bring breakfast."

"I don't need to you drive me Booth. I have car and am quite capable…"

"Bones," Frustrated he cut her off, "please, just let me do this. This is our thing, it's what we do." He grinned, hoping that his charm smile would somehow translate over the phone.

"You're only doing this because of what happened the other night." Brennan squared her shoulders and checked her image in the mirror near the front door, "I am fine Booth. I'm adjusted. You don't need to keep doting on me. You did nothing wrong." She smiled and then felt selfish for actually liking the extra attention from him.

"That's not the entire reason Bones. Let me do this okay?" He tried to not beg but he was failing. He dropped his voice and asked again, "Just let me Bones. Our thing remember?"

Sighing, Brennan started brewing coffee. "Alright Booth, I can see that it's useless to argue this. If you're bringing me breakfast I'll have one of Capital Bakery's famous croissants. I'll have coffee ready."

"That's my girl." Booth laughed then winced at the implications of that slip, a slip that wasn't unnoticed by Brennan. "See you in about twenty minutes, Bones." Booth ended the call, hanging his head in frustration as he got in his SUV. He checked his reflection in the rearview mirror and asked himself, "Why do things have to get so complicated?"

Brennan prepared herself for work, thinking about what she and Booth would talk about. She wanted him happy and Hannah gave him that.

She didn't want to lose the friendship they'd established over all these years. Brennan would have to reassure herself and more importantly Booth that she was past this, that she was as capable as he was at 'adjusting'. That he and her could remain partners and friends and he could still have her and Hannah in his life. Brennan was certain he wanted to talk about what had happened and it was a moment in her life that Brennan had no interest in revisiting.

Brennan didn't want to worry, but her relationship to Booth was important. She couldn't let it fall apart because of her outburst. Gathering her thoughts, she knew what she would tell him.

As she placed the cups at the coffee table, she heard her doorbell ring. Smiling at his promptness she went to let Booth in.

As she opened the door, Booth playfully treated her pasty box like it was fragile. "Here Bones, be careful with it. The best in town is also the most delicate"

Smiling as she relaxed and grabbed the box, noting that Booth was wearing her favorite long jacket. "Booth, thank you. Let's eat and get to work"

Brennan felt very nervous, not sure she could have this talk.

"Bones, come sit. We need to eat and talk first." Booth could see Brennan needed some reassurance, "It's all good Bones."

He strode over to the couch, grabbed his coffee and looked over at her with a soft smile.

"Alright Booth, but I want to go first." Brennan sat and tried to get comfortable.

"A long time coming huh, Bones? As long as you're not going to tell me that you're flying back off to Macapoopoo again we're good." Booth tried to put her at ease.

"No Booth, I have no intention of leaving, but…" Looking down at her food, she brushed imaginary crumbs off her clothes "Look Booth, I never should have put you in that spot the other night. I would never have expected you to choose me over Hannah. You're happy and regardless of how I know I feel now, that makes me happy. I have too much respect for our partnership to ever jeopardize it again." Brennan hoped she sounded only professional to Booth.

Booth looked at her grimly for a moment, feeling a wash of sadness inside.

"Bones let me talk before you continue. I think of you as more than a partner. You're my best friend. You know more about me than anyone else. But we can't keep stepping on eggshells here." He set his coffee cup down and sighed loudly, "We need to admit that we," he looked up and smiled faintly at her, "we, both of us, have awful timing." He waited for her to nod in agreement. "I want us to continue working together, continue our friendship. It'll take time. But we can do it. We're the best, right?"

Brennan nodded encouragingly but remained silent.

He smoothed his tie and continued, "But I'll admit that I'm guilty of backing away lately. I just haven't known what to say but… But if each of us is aware of how the other is feeling we can get past this. " He paused and then looked up at her again, "What I'm trying to say is that I don't want this to come between us. I don't want my relationship with Hannah to come between us"

He looked in her eyes trying to prove to her his sincerity and hoping she would want the same. He smiled when he saw the answer on her face.

"Booth, I would very much like that. I trust you that in time we will overcome any uneasiness." Brennan drank her coffee feeling overjoyed that he said much of what she had planned to say and said it much better than she ever could have.

Standing, Booth grabbed her coat and opened it for her to put on. "Come on Bones, let's get you to work. I have to get at my office and finish a few reports. But I'll pick you up for lunch. Maybe we can dodge Sweets this time."

Laughing, she allowed Booth to help her into her coat. "We just ate Booth, does your thoughts always go to food."

Booth turned her around and acting on impulse hugged her tightly.

"No Bones, my mind isn't always on food. But," he let her go and looked intently in her eyes, "it's… it's a good distraction."

The drive to the Jeffersonian was mostly small talk. He dropped her off at the entrance with a promise to see her again at lunch.

As Booth made his way to the Hoover, he thought about how happy he was that at least one of the women in his life felt permanent and wanted to feel that way.

He knew he needed to work on Hannah next.

Things with them were good - enjoyable and easy, but Booth knew how restless Hannah was at her job. This wonderful woman was willing to change her career to be with him. She changed her entire life and that…That must mean something, love? Booth shook his head, no; it was love – that much he knew. Hannah loved him and she had never been afraid of that fact.

Now, he just needed to let her know how happy he was with her. _That shouldn't be hard,_ he thought.


	3. Chapter 3

_17 weeks earlier_

Hannah carefully chose a dark red lipstick as a finishing touch and smiled at her reflection. She and Booth were heading to the Founding Fathers for dinner and drinks. And even though it was a place they frequented many times she wanted to look extra special for her man tonight.

She listened to the sounds of Booth taking a shower and smiled. He had been trying almost too hard to make her happy, now it was time for her to return that favor. She wanted to make certain that Booth knew she was here to stay, and glad about it. This night she wanted to be about him.

Turning off the shower, Booth grabbed a towel and wrapped it around his waist. Sighing, he rubbed his hand across the mirror to remove the steam build up and then looked at his reflection. After fixing his hair he looked deeply at himself. He didn't look half bad he thought, things were falling into place, and he didn't look as old as his age. Except for the scar across his chin nothing on his face revealed his age. The scar less than a year old, he received from a training incident in Afghanistan that still had a red hue to it.

He walked to the bedroom, still draped in the towel, drops of water running down his chest. Immediately catching Hannah's gaze.

"Wow, you look…wow." He said almost in a daze.

She wore a sexy blue dress laced with striking red beads. Staring at her dumbly, Booth inhaled. Trying desperately not to let his approval show too much through the towel.

"Hannah," Booth's voice became husky "You really want to make it a short night out don't you?"

Knowing her appearance was alluring, she walked confidently over to him. She offered him a coy smile as she leaned in to kiss him, snaking her hand under the towel, lightly stroking his hard-to-hide arousal. Before he could pull her to him, Hannah moved back putting her arm out to distance them. "Oh no Seeley, I plan to drive you mad and make you the envy of every man in the place. It's going to be a, lets say, _long_ night."

He felt more than heard her emphasis on that word, as she gave him one last stroke. Grinning at the effect she was having, Hannah disappeared into the living room.

Groaning and trying desperately to control his need, Booth hurried to get dressed. All the while, thinking about payback, knowing that he could tease with the best of them.

Seated at a small dining table, Booth observed his surroundings. Families, friends, dates gathered at tables and at the bar watching the current game.

Returning his gaze to the menu and then to Hannah, he felt an odd sensation. Before he could place it, the feeling passed but still it somehow reminded him of dust and the desert.

Dismissing the thought, he looked at his beautiful companion. "You look too good to be in a place like this. Especially when all I want to do is take you someplace dark, romantic, and definitely less crowded."

Smiling devilishly Hannah leaned in. "So, what you're saying is that I'm good enough for a movie theater? Exactly what kind of movie theater, Seeley?

Booth let out a hearty laugh as he took her hands in his. "You're good enough for anywhere but you know where I prefer you."

They ate their meals, laughing and enjoying just being with each other, this was the first time in weeks their schedules had synched up and they were able to be out together. Half way through the meal, Booth noticed a family standing to leave. The youngest son, a small boy about six years old with dark curly hair ran toward the door and tripped near Booth. As he stood, he looked at Booth as he giggled over his own clumsiness. The young boy's smile even more exaggerated by his missing two front teeth.

The feel of heat, the taste of sand and the sounds of the desert enveloped Booth. He started to feel dizzy, sweaty and paled at the sight of this child missing his front teeth. Booth felt that he was staring at an apparition.

Shakily Booth stood, not hearing Hannah's words he mumbled an excuse and headed towards the exit.

Panic was rising in him, and a sudden image of blood and flesh surfaced. Booth wanted to run, but instead doubled over and heaved. Trying to steady himself, Booth leaned against the building and unbuttoned the two top buttons on his shirt. Quickly dismissing the feeling as an oncoming sickness or virus.

As he took a few deep, calming breaths Hannah came out to find him.

"Seeley, are you alright? You went pale and said you needed air." She placed her hand on his forehead. "You feel a bit warm, let's get you home."

Feeling his body weaken Booth nodded. "I'm fine. I must be coming down with something. I hate to ruin your night. I'll make it up to you, promise."

With a soft caring smile, Hannah wrapped her arm around him.. "Babe, its fine. Now, let's get you home and in bed, you don't know this about me but, I'm an excellent nurse. You'll see - some care and rest and you'll feel better in no time."

That night Booth lay awake in bed, staring at the wall. Something deep inside him was struggling to come out but he wasn't sure when or where it would come. He was uneasy, knowing that some memories are better left buried, better to suppress and be done with it. Acknowledging the memory, giving it a place in his life, would be facing his greatest failure. It was a path littered with nothing but pain and he was loathe to go down it.. He had fought all his life to block out past events and wasn't he the better for it?

Finally falling asleep, Booth dreams wandered to vague images of fatigues, sand storms, combat and a little dark-haired boy missing his two front teeth.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

16 Weeks earlier

As he checked the contents of his pockets for the tenth time in twice as many minutes, Booth's fidgeting didn't go unnoticed by Sweets. Booth had always been one of those people that needed to move around, but this level of restlessness seemed even extreme for him.

Sitting in the agent's office, Sweets set the case file on his lap and quietly observed his behavior. Booth was staring out his office window, tilting his neck from side to side, apparently trying to release tension. This continued for a few more minutes until Booth abruptly stopped feeling the therapist's eyes on him.

He turned around and gave Sweets a look of irritation. "Alright Sweets, enough with the staring - just say whatever it is on your mind."

"I'm just concerned; you seem distracted, tired, and crankier than usual..." Sweets tried to keep his tone light and friendly but the psychologist in him felt something was up. "Are you alright? Is there something you care to discuss, just between us?"

Booth leaned himself on the edge of his desk and tried to control himself. Part of him felt angry but the rest of him was tired and confused. He tried to steady himself and not fidget because he knew that gave Sweets more to analyze. Closing his eyes Booth tried to picture Parker and himself enjoying a football game. Smiling Booth opened his eyes and with a cleansing breath faced Sweets.

"It's nothing Sweets. I'm just tired, haven't been sleeping well the past few nights."

"Are you certain Booth? I know this must be a very stressful time and if you need to talk…"

Feeling his frustration rise Booth cut him off.

"Whoa, what do you mean _stressful time_?" Booth stood and rolled his sleeves up, "I'm fine Sweets; nothing stressful is going on right now, even this case. A case that you're supposed to be helping me with by the way."

Sweets held up the file, flipped through it and then set it down on the table deciding not to abandon their conversation.

"And I _am_ helping you with the case, but right now I want to know if things are okay between you and Dr. Brennan? After what you told me happened that night, her confession must be making you feel very complex emotions. The kind that are often very difficult for anyone to process on their own."

Booth balked at the suggestion and paced back and forth before settling himself at his desk again. "No… I told you that Bones and I talked... about… what happened that night." Booth stuttered, "Okay listen, I told you about what happened because I was concerned for Bones. Of course I would be, she and I are friends and partners, but that's it."

Sweets was silent waiting for Booth to continue, he knew in his current frame of mind, the other man wouldn't be quiet for too long. And he was right.

"Ok Sweets, I'm going to say this once and after, you'll leave it alone, ok?" Sweets nodded and Booth continued "I told you about Bones because besides being worried about her, it confused the hell out of me, you know? I was angry at her _and_ at me but, mostly at her, and then that made me angry at myself even more." Booth pointed his finger at Sweets before he could open his mouth to reply. "Don't say it Sweets, I know. I get it. Here's the deal, I want Bones to be happy, I do. But I'm with Hannah now and I can't justify any reason to not be with her. I love her, I do. How could I not? Look at all she has done for me – she makes me happy.

Sweets nodded but remained silent, knowing that Booth wasn't done quite yet.

"Think about it….What if Bones decides that she can't be monogamous, what then? What if she changes her mind or decides she can't go all the way – how do I trust her with that? You know? "

Sweets inhaled sharply to respond but Booth cut him off, "And yes I do still have feelings for her - happy now! I just can't gamble anymore." Booth exhaled deeply and dragged his hands down his face.

"But I also can't deny her, you know? Actually, I just don't know, but you have to let me figure that out in my own time, ok? Just leave it, or me, be Sweets. But _this_ is not why I haven't slept well. The past few nights I've been having…uh, night-, Um, bad dreams."

Having listened and taking a mental note of Booth's openness for a change Sweets switched gears upon hearing this revelation.

"What kind of nightmares have you been having? Are they the same every time?"

Booth pulled his poker chip from his pocket and began flipping it in between his fingers.

"No, I told you they were bad dreams - not nightmares, big difference Sweets. Completely different." He shook his head and looked at Sweets square in the face, "And no I don't want to talk about it. Everyone has them."

Sweets noticed Booth was starting to close up again. He shifted in his seat, reached for the file and was going to change the topic back to work when Booth asked,

"I mean, how do you define what's a bad dream and what's a nightmare?"

Before Sweets could answer, Booth reached across the desk and ripped the file from Sweets' hands,

"Forget it, you are not Freud and I don't need to talk about this, ok?"

Picking up the file once again, he pushed it across the desk toward Sweets. "Just take this to your office and tell me what your thoughts are. Make yourself useful for the case not my head."

"Sure thing." Sweets tried to hide a smile as he headed out of Booth's office. The agent had revealed more than he ever expected during his impromptu ramble.

"Sweets…" Booth called out as the door was about to close

"Yes, Booth?" Sweets turned back assuming it was case related.

"If these bad dreams continue, how could a person easily get rid of them?"

Booth mumbled, struggling as he asked for help.

"Well, usually talking about it helps, or confronting what is bothering you. Changing eating patterns restrict caffeine and alcohol late in the day, that type of thing."

Booth shook his head, ignoring the younger man's advice, "Thanks Sweets, but I think I'll just take Angela's advice for now. She suggested chamomile tea at night." The expression on Booth face, Sweets was certain the tea idea wasn't appealing to the agent.

"You talked to Angela about this?" Trying not to sound hurt, Sweets followed Booth out of the office and towards the elevator.

Noticing Sweets reaction Booth's mood lightened.

"Nah, Bones told her I wasn't sleeping well and that I seemed frustrated. So, Angela told Bones that I should drink tea. That's all. I probably won't even need it, Hannah's gonna be home a lot more and you know that always makes you sleep better." Booth grinned.

Sweets nodded, "Yeah, a beautiful woman is quite conducive to sleep."

As Booth entered the elevator to leave, Sweets noticed that he was checking his pockets again and once again seemed agitated. Sweets turned away knowing that the agent wasn't as ok as he seemed and that things were bound to get worse before they got better.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

16 weeks earlier – continued

Something in Booth changed, he felt uplifted. He left the Hoover and his talk with Sweets feeling in control now. Believing that's what he had needed – to unload.

He decided to pick up a special wine, make dinner, and take Hannah to new heights tonight.

No doubt Booth thought, he had dominion over his life and he'd prove it.

Booth set the table, put some music on and readied the mood for dinner with Hannah.

"Seeley this looks amazing. It's been such a long time since I had filet. Is there a special occasion I should be aware of?" Taking her glass, Hannah sipped enjoying the rush of the tannins and other flavors of the wine.

"Only special occasion is that you're here tonight and looking more delicious than anything I could ever cook." Booth looked her over and felt a surge of desire within.

She saw his look and her voice become husky. "Maybe you should have made this dinner for tomorrow; it seems both of us have other hungers right now."

"Baby, you have no idea what I have in store for tonight. But we need to finish this, dessert comes after." The command in Booth's voice was evident. Hannah smiled and returned to her dinner.

They made small talk, Booth directing most of the conversation away from the Hoover, and anything related to his job.

It didn't take long for either to finish dinner. As Hannah made her way to clean up, she felt Booth pull her by the waist and nuzzle her from behind.

"The dishes can wait, I can't" Insisted Booth as he pushed himself as close to her as possible.

Laughing at his insistence she tried to keep cleaning up. "Seeley, this will only take a moment, we have all night…"

"Drop them Hannah. I'll take care of them after I take care of you." He took the dishes out of her hand and pulled her into the bedroom.

Once there, Booth didn't hesitate for a second. Grinning he tossed her on the bed and wasted no time stripping either of them. No ceremony, no teasing just mad desire.

"Oh my God Hannah, a saint would lust after your body." Booth groaned as he smothered his mouth with hers.

Hannah could hardly breathe, feeling the invasion of Booth's tongue with a force she never felt before. She went to wrap her arms around him but instead he grabbed her wrists and forced her arms above her head.

"No baby, this is my game tonight. I want you to abandon yourself to me" Booth mumbled as his kissed and nipped his way down her neck to her breasts.

Booth felt charged, and relinquished himself to the need to dominate tonight.

He took both her wrists in one hand and held them tightly. With his free hand, he grabbed her breast and took the puckered nipple fully in his mouth. Hannah whimpered at the new attention. She felt pain as he sucked and nipped at her. She almost wanted to cry out but then she found herself lost in the give and take of the pleasure and the pain she was receiving.

Releasing his grip on her wrists, Booth lifted her legs over his shoulders and pushed two fingers into her core. His other hand roamed her body with rough aggression. Hannah titled her head up and looked at him, lost in a frenzied desire that she'd never seen him wear before and it gave her a rush.

When she began to moan wildly, Booth pulled his fingers out of her and moistened his aching erection with her arousal. Then he settled back down on top of her and began to pump himself inside her hard, deep, and fast.

Once he set his rhythm, Booth grabbed her wrists again with one hand and held them over her head. He grabbed at her breast again and teased and twisted the nipple.

He pumped harder and deeper into her, trying to find the elusive escape he so desperately seeked. Hannah cried out at the pressure Booth was putting on her body, she had never felt a man lose himself so wildly before and the fact that it was over her made the pain it was causing her almost bearable. But it still wasn't enough for him, he needed more and as he continued his drive he felt himself swell with frustration. He needed this control and he'd take it anyway he could.

He lowered himself down to her and became over zealous in his want. He moved his lips over her shoulder and neck, finally when he felt himself at the edge of losing his control he bit down hard on her shoulder. Hannah shouted in pain and the taste of blood shocked Booth out of the haze he was in.

Booth pulled back startled at the scene that just occurred. "Hannah, baby… I'm sorry, I didn't mean to... How could I..:"

Hannah sat up, her eyes hooded with confused satisfaction. "Seeley, don't do this. You didn't do anything wrong. I would have stopped you if I didn't want it. You were amazing. I have never felt so wanted and enraptured." She placed her head on his shoulder, "I think we need this kind of release more often." She wrapped an arm around him and then kissed his arm, "I'm going to clean up, meet me in the living room – we can relax and watch TV, together." Before he could answer her, Hannah walked to the bathroom to get dressed.

Booth couldn't believe it. What had he done? He lost control more than regained any. He had held her down, he bit her and he took care of his own needs with no regard for hers. He felt like he violated her.

He glanced toward the bathroom and heard the sounds of Hannah getting dressed. She said she wasn't upset and she appeared to have enjoyed it. But he wasn't that type of man. He didn't focus on himself; he got pleasure from giving pleasure to his partner. He didn't assault her, but he might as well have for the way he felt.

He never listened to her to see what she wanted; he didn't look at her to see if she was enjoying herself. He was rough and fast and there was a very good chance he'd left marks on her. How could he be intimate with her again after this?

Damn it, this wasn't him… Booth rubbed his face hard and felt the scar on his chin. His frustration increased; jumping from the bed he got dressed and went to the couch.

The rest of the evening was quiet between the couple. Hannah went to bed an hour or so later but he stayed up, unable to join her in the bed... Booth changed the channels until giving up and leaving it on a station showing old TV shows.

As Booth drifted toward sleep, M*A*S*H played in the background. His dream, like the shows opening started with the sound of helicopters…

_It was 10 miles outside Kabul, Booth and his men were in active training around the ruined Darul Aman Palace, engaged in force tactical operations. As they prepared to enter the building, Booth had one of his men gesture to the group of children playing soccer to move farther back. Even though this was only a tactical operation, rumors of Taliban insurgents in the area kept them on high alert._

_._

_Leading his men through a broken, fallen wall, Booth had his second in charge take five of the men to the east side of the building, where there weren't as many signs of damage from heavy shelling._

_Booth and the other five went west following the inside wall. After several minutes, the team heard an airburst overhead that caused a wall in the distance behind them to crumble. Grabbing his radio Booth called to his second. "Stats Lester, give me stats." _

_Lester responded "Sergeant Major we're still here sir. First E, second D, but the floor above us collapsed, trying to find a way out."_

_Booth knew what that code meant, they were still on the east side of the building on the, first floor, second door. Sighing Booth motioned his men around silently. And then barked into the radio, "On our way Corporal Lester." _

_As he made it to the rest of the team, the wall collapsed. Booth motioned the men with him to stand guard as he climbed over the vast rumble to get to Lester and the rest of the men on the other side. _

_Once on the other side, he took note of the looks of anxiety the other men wore. A detonation cord was hanging from the ceiling, and given the cord size and the speed at which it was deteriorating the team knew they had only a few minutes to scramble out of the building. Booth didn't hesitate, he started to lead them back to the rubble quickly, in the process he noticed the open ceiling overhead stood a boy looking down at them. The boy was injured in the initial blast and looked terrified. Booth paused, trying to figure his next step. The ceiling was too high for him to reach easily, the child more than likely would be afraid of him and not understand English anyway. _

_In a split second, Booth made a choice; he'd get his men out quickly and safely and then devise a plan to get to the boy. _

_With the men making their through the rubble and out of the building, Booth ran back to the room. As he approached he saw the boy smile at him, happy to see his rescuer. His grin exaggerated by his two missing front teeth. _

_Booth looked around anxiously for a way to get to the boy, seeing no way he motioned for the boy to jump. "Kid, jump. I'll catch you, I promise... Come on, buddy… I can't get to you." Booth gestured and was under the 20 ft hole were the boy nervously shook his head. "Please don't be afraid, trust me, I have you. You don't understand this place will blow. I need to get you out!"_

_As the boy finally calmed enough to trust Booth he went to lean feet first and fall into Booth arms. _

_The detonation was sudden; as the ceiling collapsed the boy fell violently and was impaled by the debris. Booth was struck in the face by shrapnel and fell to the floor... There was dust and rubble everywhere but the blast failed to bring down the building. _

_Booth reached for boy who was calling out in pain but the dust was so thick, he was unable to see. All he could do was lie on the ground and listen to the boy crying out in pain._

_Suddenly the smoke cleared and, the dead boy turned to him and said "You failed"_

Booth woke up with a jolt, shouting "I tried! I'm sorry! My God, I'm sorry!"


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

15 weeks earlier

Walking into her office, Brennan found Booth lying on her couch flicking his gold Zippo lighter on and off, concentrating on its flame.

"Hey Booth, are you ready to go?" Her words startled Booth, causing him to jump, "Booth is everything alright?"

"Uh… Hey Bones, yeah why wouldn't everything be alright? I just didn't expect you back so soon." Sitting up Booth, rubbed his chin, decided to change the subject. "So Bones, I'm considering growing a beard, what do you think?"

Smiling she looked at his handsome face. "Well, some men are quite becoming in beards. Does Hannah like facial hair?"

Feeling frustrated, Booth grabbed his notepad and went to make for the door. "You know Bones, I wasn't asking about Hannah's opinion. I asked for yours, and not what other men may look like… You know what? Just forget it... I have to get going."

Brennan was confused at Booth's outburst, more importantly why he was leaving. "Booth wait! Where are you going I thought you came so we could go talk to the victim's Uncle? And I am certain I have not done anything to deserve this reaction from you."

Dropping his head, Booth rubbed the back of his neck. "Yeah Bones, sorry I was …um distracted." Booth took out his notes to check on what they needed to discuss. "Alright, let's get this show on the road." Booth attempted to be lighthearted.

Brennan walked alongside Booth trying to gage his mood. Lately, he seemed frustrated and easily angered one moment and then happy-go-lucky the next - as if nothing would bother him. She wanted to ask if everything was good in his relationship with Hannah, but thought better of it.

As they drove to the house Booth fidgeted in the driver's seat. "Listen, I'm…sorry about earlier. I shouldn't have snapped at you. I'm just…well. Listen lets just go do our jobs." He turned to look at her hoping his apology would smooth things over.

Returning his smile, she was about to start discussing the case again when she noticed Booth wasn't going the correct direction. "Where are we going? The girls Uncle - Paul Callahan lives in Reston, not Dale City, you're headed the wrong way."

Booth looked troubled, he didn't comment just found a parking lot to pull into and stopped the SUV. Stepping out of the car Booth walked a few steps trying to breath. He felt pressure in his lungs, as if taking in dust instead of oxygen. Hearing Brennan walk over, he grabbed his phone pretending to be on it. When she caught up to him, Booth turned smiling to her, holding his phone as proof of what he was about to say.

He wrapped an arm on her shoulder to turn her around. "Change of plans, Bones. We're going to have the Uncle bought in for questioning later. Saves us the trip out that way, best way to handle things really given the circumstances of the crime."

Brennan stopped walking. "What do you mean, best way to handle things given the circumstances?"

"We'll this was a very violent crime. I want to be assured of your safety. I'd prefer to do these things at the Hoover." Booth felt anger surging up and he just didn't wanted her questioning him right now.

Sighing, she walked towards the car all the time watching Booth. Taking in his appearance, she noted how tired he looked, the agitated way he walked and rubbed his chin. He wasn't really paying attention as he always did before. Even at the lab, he seemed distracted and second guessed his understanding of what Angela had told him about the facial reconstruction. Something he never had trouble with before.

As they headed back, it was quiet. Brennan didn't know what to make of Booth. Finally the silence was broken by the man himself.

"What do you think if we have an extra agent with us out in the field? For your safety? And before you say you can take care of yourself, and I could give you a gun... just hear me out ok?"

"Booth…we've always done fine without any backup, what's going on?"

Angered, he gripped harder on the wheel. "I asked you to hear me out. I just am thinking of your safety… partners, friends care about things like that. Especially with Broadsky out there too."

Brennan was stunned… shifting in her seat, she made the quick decision to not debate him at this time. Hoped instead to change his mood.

"Why don't we go get something to eat? The diner or Founding Fathers, you love both of those places."

The mention of the Founding Fathers made Booth go rigid. He nodded and made his way towards the diner. All the time thinking back to that day in Afghanistan, and the boy he failed to save.

Feeling his frustration swelling he did something neither of them expected. He took his hand off the steering wheel and grabbed hers, giving it a tight squeeze. With that, she noticed he seemed to relax a bit, but he still didn't talk or look at her.

"I'm here Booth; I want you to know that. You said before that partners share things, build trust." She didn't wait for a reply; just squeezed his hand back and she knew that he had heard her.

After they ate, he dropped her back off at the Jeffersonian. She went to her office and made a few notes on her computer. Deciding that if Booth's odd behavior continued she may need to talk with Hannah and see what she knew.

Something was different and maybe even wrong but there were too many variables for Brennan to make an accurate assessment on what was bothering her partner.

Back at the Hoover, Booth arranged to have the uncle brought in, and went to his office. Closing the door, he went for the phone to call Hannah. Booth felt relief when he got her voice mail. "Hey babe, I need to work late. Don't wait up for me. I…uh…probably wont be around much this week, but I'm at my office if you need anything."

Placing his head on, his desk Booth felt himself pulled back to that day.

"_Do you believe in God?" The boy asked_

"_I do, or I did." Booth replied trying to lift the debris off the boy._

"_You could have saved me. Do you think your God didn't allow that? I'm just a kid like your Parker. It could have been him that you failed to save."_

_Pausing Booth looked at the boy and saw that he was dead." I failed you and my God failed me." Booth fell back to where he was when the explosion hit…_

"Booth? Booth!" Sweets tossed the folder on his desk to get the agent's attention.

Booth sat up startled to see that Sweets had been standing there. "Sweets, how long have you been here?"

"I've been talking to you about the case for the past fifteen minutes. I have my profile on the uncle. Did you really not hear me, Booth?"

"Um, sorry Sweets. Let me look at the file, I'll catch up with you later." He tried to dismiss Sweets, he could see the psychologist wanted to know what just happened. And, in truth Booth didn't know. Had he just been talking to Sweets for fifteen minutes?

"What happened? You majorly phased out on me. We were discussing the case, and then you just sort of froze. I think we need to look into this."

Sweets saw that his last sentenced had an effect on Booth.

Standing up, he placed his fists on his desk and leaned over. 'There is nothing to look into, Sweets. I'm fine. I'll read your profile and when the Uncle gets here we'll go interrogate him. Okay? No more getting in my head right now. I don't need you picking away at me."

Sweets nodded. "Alright Booth, that's fine. I do not doubt you, just concern as a friend. I'll be around tomorrow when Mr. Callahan arrives." He left feeling more troubled about his friend.

After Sweets left, Booth leaned back in his chair... rubbing his chin. He needed to go before the kid came back and wanted to talk more. Instead, he turned his thoughts to Brennan. She always got him, she knew not to pry and pick away at him. Maybe he should talk to her?

Slamming his fists on his desk Booth mumbled. "Why the hell didn't I get there in time?"


End file.
